Should I Pay For
Dates?
I've gotten several emails this week asking questions like "Should
I pay for dates?" and "How do I avoid paying for dates?" The
answer that I'm going to propose is deceptive in its simplicity,
but hey... those are my favorite kind...
DON'T GO OUT ON "TRADITIONAL DINNER DATES" ANYMORE.
See, if you don't go out on "take her out to dinner" dates
anymore, then you won't have to deal with paying for them.
Profound, I know. Please, hold the applause.
Let me explain this a little more.
A lot of good research suggests that women think of men that are
potential mate potential in one of two categories. I call these
categories "Lover" and "Provider". If you've read my book "Double
Your Dating" then you will recall that one of the three free bonus
reports was dedicated to this topic.
The basic idea goes like this:
In a "traditional" boy-meets-girl situation, the girl makes a
decision early on whether you're the type of guy that she should
get physically involved with quickly (spelled A-T-T-R-A-C-T-I-V-E)
or if you're of the "nicer" type (spelled W-U-S-S-Y) that would be
glad to "prove" yourself to her by paying for lots of expensive
dates, buying flowers, etc.
I realize that I'm generalizing here, and that I'm being a bit
extreme... but I'm making a point, so go with me.
A very common approach that men use is the old "Can I take you out
sometime?" line.
At first glance, it sounds innocent enough.
It has the ring of "I'm a nice guy, and I'd like to take you to
dinner so I have a chance to get to know you better" to it, right?
Well, it may seem that way at first glance, but let's get a little
deeper into what ELSE you're saying when you ask a question like
this one (or start off by paying for dinner, etc.).
Here are a few of the OTHER LESS OBVIOUS things that you're saying
when you offer to "take a woman out".
1) You're starting off the relationship RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING
by offering to buy something for her, and, more importantly YOU'RE
SETTING AN EXPECTATION. In other words, when you do this, you're
setting an expectation that you're going to do this from NOW ON.
2) You're subtly saying "I feel like I need to use a bribe to get
you to see me again". I'm sure that men have been bribing women
with food and gifts since the dawn of our species. Does this sound
far-fetched to you? Check out how our closest relatives, the
chimps use food to persuade females to have sex with them. No,
really.
3) Once you "take a woman out" and prove to her beyond the shadow
of a doubt that like to pay for things, you set a whole series of
other unconscious expectations in place. Without going into
detail, most of these other expectations will only lead to her
thinking of you in the "nice guy" category, and costing you time
and money that you might as well have thrown down a rat hole.
4) By going out to a typical nice restaurant setting, you start a
whole chain of events that often leads to two people looking at
each other over a candle, in a loud room full of other people,
with a typical uncomfortable "OK, so tell me about yourself and
don't ask me too many personal questions please" look on your
faces.
I don't know about you, but this just isn't my idea of a good
time.
So what's the alternative?
Thought you'd never ask.
Well, as I said earlier, the first thing you might consider doing
is NOT ASKING WOMEN "OUT" ANYMORE.
Instead, just say "Do you have email?" and if she does, hand her a
pen and say "Great, write it down for me." Then, follow up by
inviting her to join you for a cup of tea and some stimulating
conversation. Here's an example email for you:
"Hi, it was fun talking yesterday... I'm thinking that we should
get together tomorrow for a cup of tea and some stimulating
conversation. You seem like you might make a nice friend."
Then, if you're REALLY cheap, show up 5 minutes late so she buys
her own tea and is waiting for you. You can even say "How
inconsiderate of you... where's mine?"
Here's
the key:
IF YOU WANT TO BE A MAN THAT SHE FEELS ATTRACTED TO, THEN QUIT
ACTING LIKE ALL THE OTHER GUYS THAT TRY TO BUY HER ATTENTION WITH
FOOD AND GIFTS.
Use the techniques that you're learning from me to be Cocky and
Funny, keep her laughing, and generally bust on her to increase
the ATTRACTION level.
If you buy a woman enough dinners, she may begin to feel some
AFFECTION for you... but food and gifts will never lead to
ATTRACTION. Big difference.
And, of course, if you want to get all of my best thinking on what
creates that magical thing called ATTRACTION inside of a woman,
then you need to read my eBook "Double Your Dating"... just go to:
www.doubleyourdating.com/ebook
