How To Not Be
Boring And Predictable
"You can't bore a woman into feeling attracted to you..."
I realize that this may sound like an obvious statement, but
judging by the emails that I get week in and week out, maybe it's
not as obvious as it might seem to some guys. In fact, when I
think back on my own experiences with women, I am DEFINITELY
guilty of trying to bore women into feeling attracted to me...
So what do I mean by this silly sounding statement?
Well, let's start with some ideas that I hear in one form or
another all the time:
"I was a perfect gentleman on our date, but she didn't call me
back, and I can't reach her..."
"I don't want to use any 'techniques' with women because I feel
like that would be 'manipulating' her..."
"I want a girl who will like me for who I am..."
"I give her everything she wants, take her out, buy her things,
and I don't understand why she doesn't feel the same way towards
me that I feel towards her..."
"She tells me that she only likes me as a friend, then she goes
out with these guys who treat her like crap instead of going out
with a guy like me that would treat her wonderfully and give her
everything she wants..."
And the list goes on and on...
Now, I realize that these statements are actually different from
each other, and deal with different issues. But the common
denominator in each of them is:
YOU'RE NOT BEHAVING IN A WAY THAT IS PUSHING HER ATTRACTION
BUTTONS. IN MOST OF THESE CASES, YOU'RE GUILTY OF TRYING TO BORE
HER INTO FEELING ATTRACTED TO YOU.
I got one letter recently where a guy was telling me that he had
taken a girl out on a date, but that there wasn't any "spark"...
but he still felt attracted to the girl. He seemed to think that
just because nothing obvious was BAD about the date, that this
girl should also feel attracted to him. (Maybe he thought that a
few more uninteresting, boring dates would cause her to open her
eyes and see the light).
Here are a few common problems that lead to "BORING DATE-ITIS":
1. Playing it "safe", following her lead, not saying anything you
think will upset her, and making sure that you're "proper".
2. Talking about BORING things like jobs, family, weather, etc.
because it's "what people talk about to get to know each other."
3. Being boring.
PLAYING IT SAFE
I can remember when I thought that the proper way to act on a date
was to talk about socially acceptable topics, act sterile and
quiet, and generally try to make sure that she got whatever she
wanted.
Oh, was this a huge mistake. Generally speaking, women are BORED
TO DEATH BY THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR.
When you meet a girl for a cup of tea or go out to dinner, it's
time to have FUN, not to be her personal ass kisser! Playing it
safe and kissing up to her is a sure way to get either an
expensive relationship or a woman who won't call you back.
TALKING ABOUT BORING THINGS
Don't talk about your job and your family!
BORING!
Guys who are trying to convince women that they're "nice" talk
about their families (If you really want to be a loser, carry
pictures around with you and show them off.). Talking about
families is "courtship" behavior, and it will put her into the old
"this guy is boring" frame of mind. Unless you're related to John
F. Kennedy or someone even more interesting, keep the family
history to yourself!
BEING BORING
So what does a "boring" guy act like?
Well, for starters he acts like he's NOT COMFORTABLE in the
situation...
Nervous smiles. Apologizing. Agreeing with her opinions all the
time. Asking her what she'd like to do. Holding your body in an
unsure, insecure way. That's a good start.
Mix in a few uncomfortable silences and you've got the makings for
her running as fast as she can and changing her phone number to
save herself from another one of your boring calls!
So what's the answer? What's the secret to making her feel
attracted to you, and not BORED OUT OF HER SKULL?
I thought you'd never ask.
Here are a few ideas for starters:
1. Take her somewhere that has a lot going on... somewhere that
has interesting conversation built in. I like funky areas that
have lots of eclectic, artsy, trendy shops. You can't walk through
one of these areas without having an interesting conversation.
There are all kinds of interesting things from tattoo artists to
funky hat shops to ultra-trendy clothing stores. Most cities have
an area like this, and I'd suggest you go check it out.
2. Talk about something that isn't BORING. One of my favorite
things to do is get her to talk about her life, then find things
to make fun of. This is a great opportunity for cocky and funny...
YOU: "So, tell me something interesting."
HER: "Like what?"
YOU: "What, you can't think of even ONE interesting think about
yourself or your life? I think I need to go before this gets any
worse..."
You get the idea...
3. If there is a silence, NEVER let it be uncomfortable. I think
that it's great to stop talking when you're first getting to know
a woman. But don't do it in a way that sends chills up her spine.
If the conversation goes cold for a few moments, just pay
attention to something else for a minute. Think about something
funny to say and laugh to yourself. She'll say "What? What are you
laughing about?"... which is a great lead in for about 1,000
different cocky/funny answers.
If the conversation stops, be cool. Just act like you're with a
friend, act totally casual, and pick it back up later. Just don't
ACT nervous and uncomfortable!
4. DON'T BE PREDICTABLE. There is an area of the human brain
called "Broca's Region" that is constantly anticipating what is
about to happen, then discounting the predictable. In other words,
the more predicable you are, the faster you will be considered
BORING.
Learn to say random things. Disagree with her... (without sounding
like a whiny little girl). Tell her that you think Britney Spears
looks like a dog...
If you’re boring, read a couple of books on how to tell stories…
or get a book on comedy to learn how to be funny and tell jokes.
JUST DO WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO DO TO AVOID BEING PREDICTABLE!
OK, I think you're getting the idea.
Women don't want BORING. A woman would rather be with an
interesting, fun guy than with a RICH, HANDSOME, PREDICTABLE,
BORING one (and the women who want the rich boring guy are often
boring themselves...).
...of course, if you REALLY want to understand what makes women
tick, you have to read my book. Just go to:
more great dating tips and our free weekly dating tips newsletter.
And you will be Successfully Dating!
